I love my students and they say ridiculous things everyday. Here are just a few choice quotes (mostly from a boy we will call “Hector”) from last year (fourth grade) and now this year (fifth grade). Names all changed of course. Expect updates.
May 09
Jordan: This clearly states that I have permission to go.
(While turning in a permission slip)
Feb.09
Olivia: You’re getting married?! And you don’t have any kids yet??
Jan.09
Jordan: Ms. Byrns, the odors coming from my body are killing me. Can I go to the bathroom?
Selections from letters students wrote to me about what they have learned so far this year, what they need help with, and what they are worried about
Jonathan:I am also worried about a few things like homework. I also think we need more interacting skills.
Jordan:I’m glad that you are teaching fractions. Now I know how much water I need to our in order to make my own milk.
Hector:The things I learned in class are that if somebody hits you and you hit him back and the yard duty sees it, you get in trouble instead of the person who hit you…
Me: Does anyone know what “good-natured” means?
Jordan: Oh, oh I know! Isn’t that what Democrats are?
Dec.08
Upon seeing a puddle frozen over on the playground
Hector: This is a happy time for little children.
Written in a book review by Jordan:
I don’t recommend this book because it’s not funny like it said in the front cover. It’s more like opera instead of funny. I think this book was made in 800 B.C. AKA Before Comedy.
Written in a report on homeless people by Jonathan:
To them a garbage house (houses made out of cardboard, old food, etc.), is just a regular house that stinks.
And also… Everyone has hidden intelligence, but homeless people have yet to discover their hidden intelligence.
Hector: “Oh! Ms. Byrns got some skills!” (After I successfully bounced my Vitamin Water bottle of the report tri-fold boards into the recycling from a very awkward angle)
Nov.08
Upon noticing that all the book groups in class are reading non-fiction books on the subject of explorers…
Salvador: Ms. Byrns, why are we only reading in the past-tense?
Hector: My happiest time was when my bunny had babies. They all died eventually and we burried them in the backyard….good times, good times.
Me: Any questions about the field trip?
Carlos: Can my cousin come?
Me: How old is your cousin?
Carlos: 21
Me: No.
Hector: Can Obama come?
Me: Obama? Um, yes, but I think he’s busy…and in Chicago.
Hector: Well than can Obama’s friend come?
Me: I don’t know who Obama’s friend is. So, no.
Hector Announced to me, across the entire class as he enters in the middle of a lesson: Ms. Byrns, I can’t sit down because my buttocks are wet.
Written in a fifth grade career report: People who study for four years in college find it helpful but not always necessary to get a job.
Oct. 08
Jordan: I think you should wear your glasses more. You would look more teacherly.
Jordan: I pay attention to all things dark and mysterious…like this chocolate.
While reading about young monarchs, including Mary, Queen of Scotts
Jordan: “Decapitated…I know what that means! Doesn’t that mean she died because she didn’t have coffee?”
Me: Is anyone going to do anything fun this weekend? Hector?
Hector: I’m going to burn some fat!
Me: And how are you going to do that?
Hector: I’m going to run and burn it.
Hector: Ms. Byrns is FEMA a girl or a group? (after reading an article about Hurricane Ike.)
Sept. 08
Conversation with a girl who won the school spelling bee, is at the top of the STAR test scores and is overall intelligent after she got in trouble for asking a boy if his mom knew that he was ugly:
Annie: Um, Nina said that to me about his mom knowing if he was ugly. She told me to ask him.
Me: And you did? You know, many times people have told me to do stupid things and I don’t because I have my own brain and I can think for myself. You need to think for yourself.
Annie: Well I didn’t know that.
Me: You didn’t know what?
Annie: That.
Me: You didn’t know that you’re supposed to think for yourself and use your brain?
A: No.
M: Well now you know.
August 08
Johnathon: If I had your job and had to drive an hour to get here, I would have called in sick at least ten times by now (on the 21st day of school)
April 08
Hector: Ms. Byrns, how many punctuations and capitals do we need to have in the page?
While on the school bus, driving back from a Sacramento field trip, around Lodi and the cows
Brenda: EEWW, It smells like poop! And not in the good way.
Nov. 07
Hector: Ms. Byrns I need to tell you something I’m hearing.
Me: What are you hearing?
Hector: I’m hearing the devil talk to me in my head.
Me: What is the devil telling you?
Hector: He’s telling me to kill God.
Me: Um, okay…
